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Monday, March 5, 2012

Campaign Challenge Entry #2

This is my entry in Rach's second campaign challenge. There are several prompts, choices and rules, so I'm just going to list the link.

For my entry, I chose to:
Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts. (Word 2010 says 196) 
&
Write in a genre that is not your own to add difficulty.

Source: piyaphantawong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Suffer the Children

.       Troy grimaced at the gaping cut on his thigh. He tore a strip from his shirt and tied it above the gash. Dark red rivulets slowed to a stop.
.       Sarina leaned over. “Let me see.” She was beautiful—her green eyes sparkling like puddles in the sun and her auburn hair laying in wet ringlets, framing her face. Made him forget his pain. And rue his fate. 
.       Their fate. 
.       “It’s not that bad,” he lied.
.       As they settled back against the rusted bridge support, a child scampered overhead, giggling. Troy hugged Sarina to his side and slid them further into the shadows. That was no child. The real children were banished and starving, wandering, parentless, forced to scavenge food just to survive. Nothing was as it seemed anymore.
.       Troy managed a smile and brushed a tear from Sarina’s cheek, but he wanted to cry, too. If his mother were alive, she would heal his wound and heal their land. With a simple flick of her wrist, the Progeny would turn to harmless wisps of smoke. But that couldn’t happen now. She’d been the first victim of the coup. 
.       A familiar form materialized across from them.
.       “...Mom?”

~~~~~~~

Well, it may not be a winner, but at least it's a bit more hopeful than my last entry. 

Thanks for visiting. If you'd like to vote for me, I'm entry # 14. You won't have to scroll as far this time. = )   (*Only campaign participants may vote)

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93 comments:

  1. Great entry! Very visual and with an interesting backstory :)

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  2. Love among the ruins of a lost lifestyle and a frightening future. Beautifully descriptive and nice use of the prompts. This was a tough challenge but you did a very good job.

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    1. Thanks, Siv. Yes, it was a tough challenge, especially since it seemed geared to YA fantasy/dystopia, which I don't write. I didn't even realize that water drop thing was a pear until I read the rules of the challenge today. LOL Write on... ; )

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  3. Ooh, that was quite eerie with the child who isn't a normal child. This has enough detail to make it feel like it's a snippet from a longer work. Well done.

    xx Rachel
    My entry

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    1. Thanks, Rachel. This is only my second attempt at flash fiction. I tried to incorporate a broader view of the overall story this time. Apparently, it shows. = )

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  4. Phew! Melissa, nice work! I felt emotion, you fit in all those prompts, and it was great writing! "Liked" ;)

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  5. "...Mom?" Holy cliffhanger Melissa! Nice job. Wish these challenges were longer for you folks. (;

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    1. Hahaha - You and me both! Thanks for stopping by. ; )

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  6. that was spooky! i'd like to hear more! great job!

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    1. Thanks, Tara. Glad you stopped by.

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  7. I liked it. Definite dystopian feel that adds a dark side. I'd like to know more about the coup.

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  8. A creepy and sad, almost desperate feel to this dystopian flash. Nicely done!

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  9. Well, I think it is a rock solid entry. I think this challenge was very difficult, at least it was for me, but I managed to put something together. I'm entry #5. Good job!

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    1. Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate that.

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  10. This is a great entry, Melissa. I could see the whole thing, very descriptive. Well done!

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  11. Oh... Well you've certainly nailed the bit about making readers want to read more. I'd totally go for a novel that started like that. :)

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  12. The world they live in seems very sad...I hope that ending was a sign of hope! Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Ashley. Yes. It was the beginning of taking their kingdom back. ; )

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  13. I want to know what happens, darn it! ;) Great work!

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    1. Thanks, Carrie. Maybe I'll actually write about it one day. ; )

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  14. Replies
    1. But is that good or bad? LOL
      Thanks for stopping by. ; )

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    2. Well, it would make me want to read more, for sure :-)

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  15. You certainly left us hanging, Melissa! Nice entry!

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  16. Oh! This was really intriguing! I'm left wanting to know more. How does Mom come back? Well done. (#30)

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    1. Thanks, Liza. Um...I'd have to think on that one and iron out the details of the plot, but it suffices to say, it's magic. ; )

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  17. The poor children! :) Great job, Melissa.

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  18. This was quite interesting! Makes me want to know more =)

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  19. I loved this piece. I liked the surprise ending. Dystopian mixed with fantasy was a great choice.

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  20. Very nice! You did a great job bringing us into the story and using the prompt. Whatever their fate is, it doesn't sound good...

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    1. Actually, I meant for the mom's appearance to offer hope--the beginning of taking back their kingdom. ; ) Thanks for visiting.

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  21. The ending with the mom possibly appearing made me want to read more. Thanks for sharing!

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  22. Great piece Melissa. I really enjoyed it.

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    1. Thanks, Daniel. Glad you stopped by.

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  23. Some haunting imagery here and nice details that could well be further explored. Great job!

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  24. Nicely done. I hope the Mother is back for vengeance.

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  25. Love the emotion in this piece. Wonderful surprise ending. I really liked "Mom?" It gave me goosebumps.

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  26. Melissa,
    Your entry is shortlisted for the next round. Best of luck.

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  27. Nice job!! (for the shortlisting) And it was an interesting read too.

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    1. Thanks, Lisa. I'm stunned at being shortlisted. I wasn't expecting it at all.

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  28. Interesting, I wonder was it really his mom or something taking her shape? You incorporated the prompts very seamlessly. Well done.

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    1. Thanks. Hmmm. You're right. It could go either way, couldn't it? That would be a twist for sure. LOL

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  29. I thought I had commented on this - loved the unexpected ending - very nice. Re: your comment on mine - yes a closer pov would be preferred but incorporating my story and the prompt and the word count - just didn't happen. The characters are sitting in my head discussing what happens next... characters - gotta love them - thanks for the comment

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    1. Oh, tell me! It was HARD to cram all 5 prompts in less than 200 words. LOL Good luck with your characters. Mine are talking to me pretty good, too, right now.

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  30. Oh, nice job, Melissa! And such solid writing, too. :)

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  31. Very nice job! I want to know what happens next.
    Richard Alan #75

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    1. Thanks, Richard. Who knows. Maybe I'll turn it into a novel one day. ; )

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  32. A great entry, had me totally absorbed. Scary scenario, wouldn't want to be a part of.

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  33. Excellent! I was totally sucked in! :)

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    1. Thank you, Mina! Glad you stopped by. ; )

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  34. I love how you weaved that story together. Fascinating. Love is always present where love saves the day..lol. Great work! #103 (Thanks for visiting me)

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  35. P.S. - I like your WIP element. What is the source for that? I would love to use it.

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    1. http://www.critiquecircle.com/wordmeterbuilder.asp

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  36. I agree with the dystopian feel of the prompts. I usually write children's and found it leaned towards dark writing, too. You did a good job with a difficult challenge. Write on! :)

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    1. Thank you. And thanks for visiting. ; )

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  37. This is great! I could definitely see it being part of a series. I would read it :)

    Samantha
    Writing Through College

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  38. Lots of emotions going on in your story - raw emotions at that. Very well written and great use of the prompts

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    1. Thanks, Susan. It was a tough chalenge.

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  39. Oh, I get the feeling that's not really his mom--and that they're in danger.

    Great entry!

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    1. It could definitely go either way. And what a twist it would be if it wasn't...but they thought it was for a while. ; )

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  40. I liked it! It definitely caught my interest:) Thanks for your pointers on my post!

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  41. I love how you convey emotion. You have a light touch which makes the emotions of your characters run deep without becoming to melodramatic. Great job! :-)

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  42. Ohhh...that wa still sad...and touching...That's why I love yours!!! "Like"

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  43. Well done, Melissa...I like the mysterious twist at the end! I "liked" it. Thanks for the tip you left on my blog...

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  44. Your campaign entry has been shortlisted and is now entered into the semi-finals. Congrats and good luck!!

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    1. Again? Oh my gosh! I'm completely stunned.
      Thank you.

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  45. That was very well written. It makes me want to know more about the background, the characters and what might happen next.

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    1. Thank you. Maybe I will have to write the whole thing after all. LOL Thanks for stopping by. ; )

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  46. Great job! I want to know more. What's the mom doing back and what's the kid?

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  47. Congrats on moving on to the semi-finals. You deserve it. I agree with most of the commenters above... I want to know more.

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    1. Thanks. I'm pretty blown away.
      Glad you stopped by. = )

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  48. Dark but beautiful - thanks for sharing!

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Thanks for taking the time to comment. = )