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Monday, March 5, 2012

Campaign Challenge Entry #2

This is my entry in Rach's second campaign challenge. There are several prompts, choices and rules, so I'm just going to list the link.

For my entry, I chose to:
Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts. (Word 2010 says 196) 
&
Write in a genre that is not your own to add difficulty.

Source: piyaphantawong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Suffer the Children

.       Troy grimaced at the gaping cut on his thigh. He tore a strip from his shirt and tied it above the gash. Dark red rivulets slowed to a stop.
.       Sarina leaned over. “Let me see.” She was beautiful—her green eyes sparkling like puddles in the sun and her auburn hair laying in wet ringlets, framing her face. Made him forget his pain. And rue his fate. 
.       Their fate. 
.       “It’s not that bad,” he lied.
.       As they settled back against the rusted bridge support, a child scampered overhead, giggling. Troy hugged Sarina to his side and slid them further into the shadows. That was no child. The real children were banished and starving, wandering, parentless, forced to scavenge food just to survive. Nothing was as it seemed anymore.
.       Troy managed a smile and brushed a tear from Sarina’s cheek, but he wanted to cry, too. If his mother were alive, she would heal his wound and heal their land. With a simple flick of her wrist, the Progeny would turn to harmless wisps of smoke. But that couldn’t happen now. She’d been the first victim of the coup. 
.       A familiar form materialized across from them.
.       “...Mom?”

~~~~~~~

Well, it may not be a winner, but at least it's a bit more hopeful than my last entry. 

Thanks for visiting. If you'd like to vote for me, I'm entry # 14. You won't have to scroll as far this time. = )   (*Only campaign participants may vote)

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93 comments:

meradeth said...

Great entry! Very visual and with an interesting backstory :)

Siv Maria said...

Love among the ruins of a lost lifestyle and a frightening future. Beautifully descriptive and nice use of the prompts. This was a tough challenge but you did a very good job.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Meradeth. = )

Melissa said...

Thanks, Siv. Yes, it was a tough challenge, especially since it seemed geared to YA fantasy/dystopia, which I don't write. I didn't even realize that water drop thing was a pear until I read the rules of the challenge today. LOL Write on... ; )

Rachel Morgan said...

Ooh, that was quite eerie with the child who isn't a normal child. This has enough detail to make it feel like it's a snippet from a longer work. Well done.

xx Rachel
My entry

Melissa said...

Thanks, Rachel. This is only my second attempt at flash fiction. I tried to incorporate a broader view of the overall story this time. Apparently, it shows. = )

Morgan said...

Phew! Melissa, nice work! I felt emotion, you fit in all those prompts, and it was great writing! "Liked" ;)

Melissa said...

Thanks, Morgan. = )

Elise Fallson said...

"...Mom?" Holy cliffhanger Melissa! Nice job. Wish these challenges were longer for you folks. (;

Melissa said...

Hahaha - You and me both! Thanks for stopping by. ; )

Tara Tyler said...

that was spooky! i'd like to hear more! great job!

Kevin Hiatt said...

I liked it. Definite dystopian feel that adds a dark side. I'd like to know more about the coup.

YelenaC said...

A creepy and sad, almost desperate feel to this dystopian flash. Nicely done!

Nancy Thompson said...

Well, I think it is a rock solid entry. I think this challenge was very difficult, at least it was for me, but I managed to put something together. I'm entry #5. Good job!

Lady Gwen said...

This is a great entry, Melissa. I could see the whole thing, very descriptive. Well done!

Melissa said...

Thanks, Tara. Glad you stopped by.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Kevin.

Melissa said...

Thank you.

Melissa said...

Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate that.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Gwen.

Andy Brokaw said...

Oh... Well you've certainly nailed the bit about making readers want to read more. I'd totally go for a novel that started like that. :)

Melissa said...

Thanks, Andy. That's very kind.

Ashley Nixon said...

The world they live in seems very sad...I hope that ending was a sign of hope! Well done!

Melissa said...

Thanks, Ashley. Yes. It was the beginning of taking their kingdom back. ; )

Carrie Butler said...

I want to know what happens, darn it! ;) Great work!

Sarah Pearson said...

Oh, what a cliffhanger ending!

C.M.Brown said...

You certainly left us hanging, Melissa! Nice entry!

Liza said...

Oh! This was really intriguing! I'm left wanting to know more. How does Mom come back? Well done. (#30)

Jennifer Fischetto said...

The poor children! :) Great job, Melissa.

A.E. Martin said...

This was quite interesting! Makes me want to know more =)

Melissa said...

Thanks, Carrie. Maybe I'll actually write about it one day. ; )

Melissa said...

But is that good or bad? LOL
Thanks for stopping by. ; )

Melissa said...

Thanks, Liza. Um...I'd have to think on that one and iron out the details of the plot, but it suffices to say, it's magic. ; )

Melissa said...

Thanks, Jennifer. = )

Melissa said...

Thanks. = )

KSCollier said...

I loved this piece. I liked the surprise ending. Dystopian mixed with fantasy was a great choice.

JEFritz said...

Very nice! You did a great job bringing us into the story and using the prompt. Whatever their fate is, it doesn't sound good...

Melissa said...

Thanks. = )

Melissa said...

Actually, I meant for the mom's appearance to offer hope--the beginning of taking back their kingdom. ; ) Thanks for visiting.

Cynthia said...

The ending with the mom possibly appearing made me want to read more. Thanks for sharing!

Daniel Noyes said...

Great piece Melissa. I really enjoyed it.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Cynthia.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Daniel. Glad you stopped by.

Nick Wilford said...

Some haunting imagery here and nice details that could well be further explored. Great job!

Melissa said...

Thanks, Nick.

Traci Kenworth said...

Nicely done. I hope the Mother is back for vengeance.

Melissa said...

OH yeah. LOL
Thanks, Traci. ; )

KSCollier said...

Love the emotion in this piece. Wonderful surprise ending. I really liked "Mom?" It gave me goosebumps.

dawnall said...

Melissa,
Your entry is shortlisted for the next round. Best of luck.

Melissa said...

Woohoo!!! Thank you. = )

LisaR said...

Nice job!! (for the shortlisting) And it was an interesting read too.

S.P. Bowers said...

Interesting, I wonder was it really his mom or something taking her shape? You incorporated the prompts very seamlessly. Well done.

sassyspeaks said...

I thought I had commented on this - loved the unexpected ending - very nice. Re: your comment on mine - yes a closer pov would be preferred but incorporating my story and the prompt and the word count - just didn't happen. The characters are sitting in my head discussing what happens next... characters - gotta love them - thanks for the comment

Melissa said...

Thanks, Lisa. I'm stunned at being shortlisted. I wasn't expecting it at all.

Melissa said...

Thanks. Hmmm. You're right. It could go either way, couldn't it? That would be a twist for sure. LOL

Melissa said...

Oh, tell me! It was HARD to cram all 5 prompts in less than 200 words. LOL Good luck with your characters. Mine are talking to me pretty good, too, right now.

Linda Jackson said...

Oh, nice job, Melissa! And such solid writing, too. :)

villagedrummerfiction said...

Very nice job! I want to know what happens next.
Richard Alan #75

Rek said...

A great entry, had me totally absorbed. Scary scenario, wouldn't want to be a part of.

Melissa said...

Thanks. You're very kind.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Richard. Who knows. Maybe I'll turn it into a novel one day. ; )

Melissa said...

Thanks, Rek.

Mina Burrows said...

Excellent! I was totally sucked in! :)

Melissa said...

Thank you, Mina! Glad you stopped by. ; )

Elizabeth Towns said...

I love how you weaved that story together. Fascinating. Love is always present where love saves the day..lol. Great work! #103 (Thanks for visiting me)

Elizabeth Towns said...

P.S. - I like your WIP element. What is the source for that? I would love to use it.

Melissa said...

http://www.critiquecircle.com/wordmeterbuilder.asp

Melissa said...

Thank you. = )

clarbojahn said...

I agree with the dystopian feel of the prompts. I usually write children's and found it leaned towards dark writing, too. You did a good job with a difficult challenge. Write on! :)

Samantha said...

This is great! I could definitely see it being part of a series. I would read it :)

Samantha
Writing Through College

Susan Roebuck said...

Lots of emotions going on in your story - raw emotions at that. Very well written and great use of the prompts

The Golden Eagle said...

Oh, I get the feeling that's not really his mom--and that they're in danger.

Great entry!

Sarah Pearson said...

Well, it would make me want to read more, for sure :-)

Honey said...

I liked it! It definitely caught my interest:) Thanks for your pointers on my post!

Melissa said...

Thank you. And thanks for visiting. ; )

Melissa said...

Thanks, Samantha. = )

Melissa said...

Thanks, Susan. It was a tough chalenge.

Melissa said...

It could definitely go either way. And what a twist it would be if it wasn't...but they thought it was for a while. ; )

cbwentworth said...

I love how you convey emotion. You have a light touch which makes the emotions of your characters run deep without becoming to melodramatic. Great job! :-)

RaeAnn said...

Ohhh...that wa still sad...and touching...That's why I love yours!!! "Like"

Melissa said...

Thanks, RaeAnn. = )

Jarm Del Boccio said...

Well done, Melissa...I like the mysterious twist at the end! I "liked" it. Thanks for the tip you left on my blog...

Nancy Thompson said...

Your campaign entry has been shortlisted and is now entered into the semi-finals. Congrats and good luck!!

The Capillary said...

Very interesting! Great read.

#46

Treelight said...

That was very well written. It makes me want to know more about the background, the characters and what might happen next.

Melissa said...

Again? Oh my gosh! I'm completely stunned.
Thank you.

Melissa said...

Thanks. = )

Melissa said...

Thank you. Maybe I will have to write the whole thing after all. LOL Thanks for stopping by. ; )

Jessica Salyer said...

Great job! I want to know more. What's the mom doing back and what's the kid?

Tia Bach said...

Congrats on moving on to the semi-finals. You deserve it. I agree with most of the commenters above... I want to know more.

Melissa said...

Thanks, Jessica.

Melissa said...

Thanks. I'm pretty blown away.
Glad you stopped by. = )

kelworthfiles said...

Dark but beautiful - thanks for sharing!