This is my entry in Rach's second campaign challenge. There are several prompts, choices and rules, so I'm just going to list the link.
For my entry, I chose to:
Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts. (Word 2010 says 196)
&
Write in a genre that is not your own to add difficulty.
Suffer the Children
Thanks for visiting. If you'd like to vote for me, I'm entry # 14. You won't have to scroll as far this time. = ) (*Only campaign participants may vote)
.
For my entry, I chose to:
Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts. (Word 2010 says 196)
&
Write in a genre that is not your own to add difficulty.
Source: piyaphantawong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Suffer the Children
. Troy grimaced at the gaping cut on his thigh. He tore a strip from his shirt and tied it above the gash. Dark red rivulets slowed to a stop.
. Sarina leaned over. “Let me see.” She was beautiful—her green eyes sparkling like puddles in the sun and her auburn hair laying in wet ringlets, framing her face. Made him forget his pain. And rue his fate.
. Their fate.
. “It’s not that bad,” he lied.
. As they settled back against the rusted bridge support, a child scampered overhead, giggling. Troy hugged Sarina to his side and slid them further into the shadows. That was no child. The real children were banished and starving, wandering, parentless, forced to scavenge food just to survive. Nothing was as it seemed anymore.
. Troy managed a smile and brushed a tear from Sarina’s cheek, but he wanted to cry, too. If his mother were alive, she would heal his wound and heal their land. With a simple flick of her wrist, the Progeny would turn to harmless wisps of smoke. But that couldn’t happen now. She’d been the first victim of the coup.
. A familiar form materialized across from them.
. “...Mom?”
~~~~~~~
Well, it may not be a winner, but at least it's a bit more hopeful than my last entry.
Thanks for visiting. If you'd like to vote for me, I'm entry # 14. You won't have to scroll as far this time. = ) (*Only campaign participants may vote)
.
Great entry! Very visual and with an interesting backstory :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Meradeth. = )
DeleteLove among the ruins of a lost lifestyle and a frightening future. Beautifully descriptive and nice use of the prompts. This was a tough challenge but you did a very good job.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Siv. Yes, it was a tough challenge, especially since it seemed geared to YA fantasy/dystopia, which I don't write. I didn't even realize that water drop thing was a pear until I read the rules of the challenge today. LOL Write on... ; )
DeleteOoh, that was quite eerie with the child who isn't a normal child. This has enough detail to make it feel like it's a snippet from a longer work. Well done.
ReplyDeletexx Rachel
My entry
Thanks, Rachel. This is only my second attempt at flash fiction. I tried to incorporate a broader view of the overall story this time. Apparently, it shows. = )
DeletePhew! Melissa, nice work! I felt emotion, you fit in all those prompts, and it was great writing! "Liked" ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Morgan. = )
Delete"...Mom?" Holy cliffhanger Melissa! Nice job. Wish these challenges were longer for you folks. (;
ReplyDeleteHahaha - You and me both! Thanks for stopping by. ; )
Deletethat was spooky! i'd like to hear more! great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tara. Glad you stopped by.
DeleteI liked it. Definite dystopian feel that adds a dark side. I'd like to know more about the coup.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kevin.
DeleteA creepy and sad, almost desperate feel to this dystopian flash. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteWell, I think it is a rock solid entry. I think this challenge was very difficult, at least it was for me, but I managed to put something together. I'm entry #5. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nancy. I appreciate that.
DeleteThis is a great entry, Melissa. I could see the whole thing, very descriptive. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gwen.
DeleteOh... Well you've certainly nailed the bit about making readers want to read more. I'd totally go for a novel that started like that. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Andy. That's very kind.
DeleteThe world they live in seems very sad...I hope that ending was a sign of hope! Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ashley. Yes. It was the beginning of taking their kingdom back. ; )
DeleteI want to know what happens, darn it! ;) Great work!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie. Maybe I'll actually write about it one day. ; )
DeleteOh, what a cliffhanger ending!
ReplyDeleteBut is that good or bad? LOL
DeleteThanks for stopping by. ; )
Well, it would make me want to read more, for sure :-)
DeleteYou certainly left us hanging, Melissa! Nice entry!
ReplyDeleteOh! This was really intriguing! I'm left wanting to know more. How does Mom come back? Well done. (#30)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Liza. Um...I'd have to think on that one and iron out the details of the plot, but it suffices to say, it's magic. ; )
DeleteThe poor children! :) Great job, Melissa.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jennifer. = )
DeleteThis was quite interesting! Makes me want to know more =)
ReplyDeleteThanks. = )
DeleteI loved this piece. I liked the surprise ending. Dystopian mixed with fantasy was a great choice.
ReplyDeleteThanks. = )
DeleteVery nice! You did a great job bringing us into the story and using the prompt. Whatever their fate is, it doesn't sound good...
ReplyDeleteActually, I meant for the mom's appearance to offer hope--the beginning of taking back their kingdom. ; ) Thanks for visiting.
DeleteThe ending with the mom possibly appearing made me want to read more. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cynthia.
DeleteGreat piece Melissa. I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Daniel. Glad you stopped by.
DeleteSome haunting imagery here and nice details that could well be further explored. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nick.
DeleteNicely done. I hope the Mother is back for vengeance.
ReplyDeleteOH yeah. LOL
DeleteThanks, Traci. ; )
Love the emotion in this piece. Wonderful surprise ending. I really liked "Mom?" It gave me goosebumps.
ReplyDeleteMelissa,
ReplyDeleteYour entry is shortlisted for the next round. Best of luck.
Woohoo!!! Thank you. = )
DeleteNice job!! (for the shortlisting) And it was an interesting read too.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lisa. I'm stunned at being shortlisted. I wasn't expecting it at all.
DeleteInteresting, I wonder was it really his mom or something taking her shape? You incorporated the prompts very seamlessly. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Hmmm. You're right. It could go either way, couldn't it? That would be a twist for sure. LOL
DeleteI thought I had commented on this - loved the unexpected ending - very nice. Re: your comment on mine - yes a closer pov would be preferred but incorporating my story and the prompt and the word count - just didn't happen. The characters are sitting in my head discussing what happens next... characters - gotta love them - thanks for the comment
ReplyDeleteOh, tell me! It was HARD to cram all 5 prompts in less than 200 words. LOL Good luck with your characters. Mine are talking to me pretty good, too, right now.
DeleteOh, nice job, Melissa! And such solid writing, too. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks. You're very kind.
DeleteVery nice job! I want to know what happens next.
ReplyDeleteRichard Alan #75
Thanks, Richard. Who knows. Maybe I'll turn it into a novel one day. ; )
DeleteA great entry, had me totally absorbed. Scary scenario, wouldn't want to be a part of.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rek.
DeleteExcellent! I was totally sucked in! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mina! Glad you stopped by. ; )
DeleteI love how you weaved that story together. Fascinating. Love is always present where love saves the day..lol. Great work! #103 (Thanks for visiting me)
ReplyDeleteThank you. = )
DeleteP.S. - I like your WIP element. What is the source for that? I would love to use it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.critiquecircle.com/wordmeterbuilder.asp
DeleteI agree with the dystopian feel of the prompts. I usually write children's and found it leaned towards dark writing, too. You did a good job with a difficult challenge. Write on! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. And thanks for visiting. ; )
DeleteThis is great! I could definitely see it being part of a series. I would read it :)
ReplyDeleteSamantha
Writing Through College
Thanks, Samantha. = )
DeleteLots of emotions going on in your story - raw emotions at that. Very well written and great use of the prompts
ReplyDeleteThanks, Susan. It was a tough chalenge.
DeleteOh, I get the feeling that's not really his mom--and that they're in danger.
ReplyDeleteGreat entry!
It could definitely go either way. And what a twist it would be if it wasn't...but they thought it was for a while. ; )
DeleteI liked it! It definitely caught my interest:) Thanks for your pointers on my post!
ReplyDeleteI love how you convey emotion. You have a light touch which makes the emotions of your characters run deep without becoming to melodramatic. Great job! :-)
ReplyDeleteOhhh...that wa still sad...and touching...That's why I love yours!!! "Like"
ReplyDeleteThanks, RaeAnn. = )
DeleteWell done, Melissa...I like the mysterious twist at the end! I "liked" it. Thanks for the tip you left on my blog...
ReplyDeleteYour campaign entry has been shortlisted and is now entered into the semi-finals. Congrats and good luck!!
ReplyDeleteAgain? Oh my gosh! I'm completely stunned.
DeleteThank you.
Very interesting! Great read.
ReplyDelete#46
Thanks. = )
DeleteThat was very well written. It makes me want to know more about the background, the characters and what might happen next.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Maybe I will have to write the whole thing after all. LOL Thanks for stopping by. ; )
DeleteGreat job! I want to know more. What's the mom doing back and what's the kid?
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jessica.
DeleteCongrats on moving on to the semi-finals. You deserve it. I agree with most of the commenters above... I want to know more.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm pretty blown away.
DeleteGlad you stopped by. = )
Dark but beautiful - thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete